Chawna
September 2020 – Change
Uncomfortable Changes
From one day, to the next I have no idea what is going to happen. Things are changing suddenly and often uncomfortably. I am someone who does not mind change. I often get unsettled or antsy if things feel too routine and settled. Like I am missing out in living and just hanging out in the world. It can be a problem for me staying content at times.
That has not been an issue this year though. Lots of changes good and not good. In February I bought a home with my mom and brother for this stage in our lives. Three weeks after we closed on the house and moved in, the world shut down. My active life, which I enjoyed, stopped cold turkey. Overnight there was no more work, school, extracurricular activities, or even leaving the house much. It was frightening. Who was I and what is my purpose if I am doing nothing? I was not as afraid of getting the virus as much as I was afraid my life was just passing by and I am not living it. Too many changes bringing me suddenly to an uncomfortable zone.
In those months at home I turned to Jesus Christ who is the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb 13:8) He never changes. Whether I am stuck at home, or out and about, He promises that He has a plan to prosper and not to harm. A plan with a hope and a future and when we call on Him and pray to Him, he listens. When we seek Him we will find Him, when we seek Him with all our heart. (Jer 29:11-13) So that is what I have chosen to do in this time that my life stood still. It did not take away all the trials, stress and anxiety that came throughout the day. It has just lessened it and I have seen and felt so much goodness and hope, even among the uncomfortableness and chaos. I have found things I can do to connect with others and better myself in multiple different ways. For that I am thankful for the changes I did not want or like.
August 2020- Because You Said So, I will…
I am a rule follower.
I like things to be done as I am told they should be done. In life though I have been told by people I both trust and don’t trust “You should do this, or you should do that.” Even if it didn’t necessarily turn out well for them. I have learned listening to others has often led to paths that take me off course or lead to destruction. (Matthew 7:13)
Because God said so, I will live as He says so. Not as others think is right or because they ‘say so’–trusting them more than God. (Psalm 146)
In every decision I want to put love, forgiveness, generosity, trust in God and His wisdom at the forefront of my thoughts.
Love: (I Corinthians 13)
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Forgive: (Colossians 3:13)
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.(Colossians 3:13)
Be Generous: (2 Corinthians 9:6-8)
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
Trust: (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Seek Wisdom: (James 1:5)
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
July 2020 – Freedom!
Freedom from Captivity
“The great revolution in the history of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be free.”– John F. Kennedy
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5 New International Version (NIV)
“I am trapped,
stuck, nothing in my life changes, there is nothing I can do about it, I am always bound by my circumstances. If only this could change, than that could change and I wouldn’t be in this situation yet again.” These are the thoughts and feelings that have run through my head in multiple different circumstances over many years of my life. Repeating like a hamster on a wheel that enjoyed spinning in circles. Until I realized my circumstances were actually changing with new jobs, new houses, new relationships, but my thoughts and feelings are the things that were not. With the ending of old and or beginning of new there was blessings and challenges. What I was getting stuck on and losing my mental and emotional freedom was in the challenges and uncertainty that came along with life.
I was born and raised in a free country and have a good job, roof over my head, people that I love and love me and the right to act, speak and think as I choose. I knew nothing of what captivity or imprisonment really meant growing up. Yet as an adult became aware I was entrapped in my own mind, which affected how I was living. I was discontent and always yearning for easier, better or more. I was trapped in an endless cycle of believing I didn’t have a choice about the state of my life due to the challenging things that kept happening. I didn’t connect that those are a part of life and I can either live in constant misery, because life was hard, or turn and surrender my life to Christ, who tells us openly in John 16:33 “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have OVERCOME the world.”
The true entrapment I was in was spiritual, mental and emotional. It was my thoughts about and toward my circumstances that made me feel entrapped. Yes, my situations were not ideal. But the way I was viewing them was blocking me from overcoming the hardships and living freely with peace, joy, contentment and feeling secure in and through them. I came to a point that I realized if I really wanted things to change in my life, I would have to quit thinking how I thought.
My freedom didn’t happen overnight, but rather over days, weeks, months and years of seeking God’s wisdom and word to retrain my brain to think in alignment with Him and not myself or the worlds way of just expecting the worst and naturally perpetuating a mentality of constant fear, anxiety and need to control everything.
My first step toward liberty was recognizing I was not really living free. I was being controlled by everyone and everything around me. Depending on the things going on around me was what made my days good or bad. I had to change my perspective about myself and about life. I had to realize 1 Corinthians 10:13 was true, as was all God’s words and promises and “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” I had to stand up to and push away the temptations that were holding me captive mentally and emotionally.
To help myself break out of bad mental habits I put scriptures on mirrors and walls throughout my house. I went to Bible studies. I listened to messages and music that brought encouragement and biblical truth. I prayed without ceasing both on my own and with others and asked for counsel and advice from people I trusted on tough topics.
I still have a long way to go and catch myself sliding into my own mind and not the mind of Christ. In those time, I correct myself quickly and allow the conviction of the Spirit to teach me. I don’t deny the hard and uncomfortable things in my life, but instead face them head on with the Truth.
I did not get liberated from being around hard people or hard things, but freedom from self pity, sabotage and negative thought patterns and behaviors that led me only to destruction, doom and gloom instead of solutions and courage.
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1ESV
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV
For, “Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.
1 Corinthians 2:16 NLT-
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12:2 NLT
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.
Matthew 7:13 ESV
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Phillipians 4:8 NLT
Words kill, words give life;they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.
Proverbs 18:21 MSG
But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.
Matthew 15:18 NIV
June 2020 – What Would I Tell My Younger Self?
Dear Young Me,
Oh my goodness girl, buckle up and hold on tight!!! Hold on to your prayers, hopes and dreams as you journey through this thing called life. Be prepared that your belief in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior will grow tremendously over the years and will truly become your life line. As well as become a wild, hold on to your seat, because you won’t know what will happen next, adventure.
I know you have big plans and dreams for your life and that is good and won’t stop. Just understand that those plans are not going to go anything like you imagine. Instead of the smooth and straight path you see for yourself with a happy family, financial freedom and doing things your own independent way, it is going to be much different in ways that you can’t possibly fathom now.
You will look back and say, “But God!” It is going to be a very bumpy, big dips and lots of twists and turns kind of road. Sometimes the travel and scenery will be wonderful, and you will be incredibly grateful and enjoy the ride. Then other times along the way it will be very dark, uncertain, gripping on for dear life and you will want to just ditch it all. You will want to give up on the belief that God cares about you, that He hears and is answering your prayers and that if you focus more on Him, then yourself, He will give you the desires of your heart. (1 Peter 5:7, 1John 5:15 and Psalm 37:4-5)You will feel crazy to keep believing it, but by God’s grace, you will.
Listen to me, God is faithful and will work it ALL out for good, because you do love Him and are called according to His purpose. He has an amazing plan for you and along this road you will find Him, others and yourself and you will choose to love Him with all your heart, mind and soul and others as yourself. He will be the One to establish your steps. (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11-12, Luke 10:27 and Proverbs 16:9)
Many steps you take, especially in your teens and twenties will be self-serving and of your own freewill choice. Good will come of them, yet also much hardship and pain for years to come. You will at times become very discouraged along the path. In these times “Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7) I give you my word this is seriously true and will help you so much when you actually start doing it!
God will divinely set people, circumstances and Himself to encourage and help strengthen you in Him. Family and friends will surround and support you in unbelievable ways. It will be both very humbling and incredibly faith building, the love and generosity you are shown, by so many, in numerous different ways.
I know you picture yourself as a girl mom. Well believe me when I say that God blesses you beyond measure with two phenomenal boys. Enjoy the moments and blessings you are given with them, because before you know it they will be thirteen and fifteen and you will be looking back, in awe of how fast time went by and at the same moment looking ahead, at the little time before they will be adults. To this point you have seemed to have done a good job in raising them. You were taught well!
Marriage is a bit of a different story and you will be tested harshly and fail in many ways. Forgive yourself and others quickly, for nobody, including yourself is without fault. (Romans 4:7-8)The Lord will teach you His ways, strengthen you in Him and use it to not just build your own character, but to help others who are learning, struggling and growing also. The heart is tricky and can’t be trusted (Jeremiah 17:9) Instead it must be surrendered and purified by Christ. (Proverbs 3:5, Psalm 51:10, Psalm 73:26, Psalm 26:2)
You will learn to love yourself and others in a more genuine and selfless way through the processes you go through. Don’t give up on the belief of marriage and love. Just learn to let go of a lot of false information and surrender even more thoughts, ideas and actions to the Lord. Waiting and patience will be absolutely required to receive what God has planned and prepared. Hold on tight and keep praying, hoping, dreaming and believing. It is much better than whining, moaning, blaming and endlessly questioning.
Money will be a tremendous challenge for you and the desire you have, to become financially free will come to pass in your late thirties/early forties. It just won’t be at all, even a little bit how you are envisioning it, with an abundance of money in your bank, investment accounts, real estate properties, etc. You will become financially free by having only enough to live on, for many years while you are praying and hoping daily for provision, dreaming and believing one day it will be different. In this time of life, you will eventually begin to tithe and trust God more and more, even when you are literally down to nothing and have more going out then coming in every week. You will come to a place after days, weeks and years of financial lack where you can remain at perfect peace and incredibly grateful, even when you don’t have enough in the bank, no credit cards to rely and everything you have is deteriorating.
Your main source of income will be as a nurse. You will be abundantly blessed eventually in a position at your boys school, that without a doubt you will love. Lol, don’t worry it isn’t slow and boring for people ready to retire, like so many think. It really is quite busy, very challenging and lots of fun. It is one of the best decisions you make to just jump in no matter the risks or unkowns.
The steps you take and things you do such as writing, coming up with business ideas and getting your real estate license will be things you enjoy and pursue as well. It will help build your perseverance, determination and bring encouragement to yourself and others. There are so many stories you will be able to tell when you get to be my age, of how God worked things out in your life. Time and time again He will show you that He is faithful and true and can be fully trusted in and with everything. It will be a life-long spiritual, mental and emotional process and shift of trusting and finding contentment in all circumstances (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) and not putting your trust and security in material possessions. Instead you must stand on and believe in the promises that God will provide all that you need and more. “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
In and through it all you will choose and learn how to humble yourself and surrender. Surrender your thoughts, ideas, feelings and spirit unto the Lord. You will go through the life-long process of dying to yourself and it will be a torturous and brutal death at times, especially in the beginning. Feeling both wonderful and horrible all at the same moment. You will come to realize that you are fully human and flawed and regardless you are loved unconditionally.
You were created in His image, to love and to serve. (Genesis 1:27, Galatians 5:13) You will learn the value of being thankful in all circumstances, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.(1Thessalonians 5:18) You will find out fairly young that you are not immortal. Your body will begin to act up and it is crucially important to love and care for it, so you can live well in an imperfect body. (2Corinthians 4:16) You do have a tendency, to overwork yourself, so be careful with that. Your mind, body, soul and spirit are very closely connected and if you don’t take care of one area, all become affected. Start today taking good care of yourself on all levels and please do me a favor and start moisturizing your face often and regularly too!
I pray you have many, many years left and live each day on purpose and intentionally. I hope God continues to work in and through you and that you continue to trust and obey Him in all things. Love fearlessly and change the atmosphere around you. Keep praying, keep hoping, keep dreaming and keep believing. For “We walk by faith, not by sight” and “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you” (2Corinthians 5:7 and Philippians 4:13)
Love always,
Yourself
May 2020- Isolation
As humans we were created for social connection. There are many things we can do to foster and develop our ability to connect with God, ourselves and others. Even in times when physical distancing is necessary, much can be done to reach out to others and not isolate ourselves.
I nvite others to connect
S hare about yourself
O vercome the fears
L aughter is the best medicine
A ccept help from others
T ry new things
I magine the Positive possibilities
O pen your heart and mind
N ever give up hope
So let’s do it—full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25 The Message (MSG)
April 2020 – Hope
