Christy

August 2020 – Because You Said So, I will…

Our sweet Christy had to step back from writing with us. We are in the process of praying and waiting on God to reveal to us who He has in mind to join us on this writing journey. Stay tuned!

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July 2020- Freedom!

Chrity’s blog will be here soon.

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June 2020 – What Would I Tell My Younger Self?

Dear 15 year old Christy,

Stay the course, be a trailblazer.

Your world at this time is confusing, your Fuller family is unexpectedly being flipped upside down, you’re filled with anxiety, the things you thought were solid (friendships, church, and family) are going to be broken, and you are filled with unspoken heartbreak. Can I give you a few spoilers?

First – Remember to breath… things are going to get harder for you before the storm passes. It’s going to be okay. Christ is your advocate, and Christ gives you your identity. Your identity is NOT : in your church building, in your family unit (I know, hard to understand), and in your friendships.

Second – Your parents are going through a hard time right now. Guess what? Marriage is hard. Sometimes it takes burning down a house to see what the “bones” are made of. The Fuller family WILL rebuild and it will be healthier and stronger before. Don’t be bitter, your parents will be your best friends in the near future. Seriously.

Third – Do not rely on your friends for guidance. Sophomores in high school aren’t the wisest people, and most of them WANT to see you fail. Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely. You were created with a purpose, do not let people distract you and take you off course. Keep your head above the water.

Fourth – You’re going to meet your husband this summer (2010). You heard that right. The guy you’ve been praying for? Yeah. He’s awesome. You won’t start “officially” dating/courting until after graduation, but he’s the one. Stay the course.

Lastly – You went to high school to be salt and light (Matt. 5:13-16). Do not become lukewarm, do not let others dim your light, do not except mediocrity and apathy. Be a trailblazer, don’t zig-zag through these next two years. Fix your eyes on Christ, your identity is in Him.

Christy, this is the beginning of a lot of loss for you. The last two years of high school will bring you more confusion, bitterness, and anxiety. You’re about to go through a mass pruning season, and it will be painful at the time. Spoiler alert… 10 years from now : you’ll be 5 years into marriage, a home of your own, and two amazing children. You will feel true, authentic joy. You will never have to fake “Christy sunshine”. Christ is present, He’s walking with you. Stay the course, be a trailblazer.

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May 2020 – Isolation

Mourning the Spring + Snow on the Wildflower

It’s a strange thing to be back in what feels like “winter”. That might seem laughable to you (while Arizona is hitting 100+ degree weather now), but I mean more of spiritual and metaphorical season of winter.

Last year we spent a lot of time mourning being “productive” by the world’s…actually, ANYONE’S definition. Having a newborn and a toddler will slow you down as it is, but having a colicky newborn and every afternoon spent in tears will slow you down even more. Most afternoons actually felt like we were living in the movie “A Quiet Place” (thankful that I can finally laugh about it now). I felt so distant from the “Christy before kids” that I even cried when I saw pictures of myself before kids. Anyone been there? Post Partum hormones; they’re somethin’ else I tell you.

All that to say, I can look back on that “winter season” and see it as a time of where we truly focused on the roots, soil, and foundation of our family. It was productive, it was intimate, it was a growing season, and I ended up being incredibly thankful for it. It was isolation, yet there were seeds planted. How about that?

Finally, we felt “spring”. We were fully back at church, and we were BOTH serving again. We were able to see our friends and family more often again, and even be out past 6:30pm without massive meltdowns from either kiddo (FINALLY).

Finally. Finally. Thank you, Lord.

Well, here we are again, except most people in the entire world are in this season together. Yet again, no one is able to (really) tell me (or anyone for that matter) when this will all pass. Yet again, I am separated from the people that I love so dearly. I went into 2020 with such high hopes, such joy, big goals and dreams.

I can only compare my own feelings to last winter-spring (Jan-Feb 2019 specifically) season in Arizona. The seasons started changing, and then BAM! Snow, like I’ve never seen before, hits Four Peaks, The Superstitions, and even the White Tanks). We went hiking, just for us to see it for ourselves. The wildflowers that were just started to blossom at the Superstitions were covered in snow. Frozen.

That’s how I’ve felt in this. A wise mentor asked me this question, “Do you feel like you’re entitled to spring?” OUCH. Thank you, Lord. I was listening to a podcast that described what pure madness it would be to scream at trees in winter and say, “COME ON! BEAR FRUIT! GROW! WHERE ARE YOUR LEAVES?” Trees completely yield to their seasons. Am I completely being obedient to where I’ve been placed?

I’ve been yelling at my “trees” in my orchard. Anyone with me? Frustration. Exhaustion. Confusion. If I were being honest, I’ve struggled with feeling entitled to the “next” season. I feel like my “roots” were shocked, a wildflower on the Superstitions READY to “bloom”, yet snow has paused the spring.

I imagine God looking at me, just like I look at my 2.5 year old son when he goes through a melt down or tantrum. There’s a lot of yelling, throwing of hands, screaming in pillows, crying, frustration, loss of self-control… anyone following me? The Father is ready for us when we’re done melting down, He is fully present, and He is ready to hold us. Our Father looks at us, possibly with even tears in His own eyes, and says, “Oh, Christy… I see you. I love you. I see your frustration… come sit at my table. Let’s talk about this more. Can I get you some water?”

I don’t know how long this is season is going to remain, but I know that I’m going to remain at the table talking to my Father. I’m done yelling at my “trees”. God knows when the fruit will grow, I am to abide in Him.

Keep trekking.

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April 2020 – Hope

COVID-19 // Starry Night

What a time to be alive! It’s a strange thing to even talk to my parents and them not recalling a time as this. I tend to think that most of us feel like we’re living in a bubble, being filmed for a documentary, and all of time has suddenly stood still (if you’re following the CDC’s guidelines at least).

I was walking through the grocery store at the start of March, just when things were shutting down in Italy, and every single person passing me had at least one month’s supply of groceries. I went shopping (just for the things I needed that week) and my internal monologue went something like this, “Should I be buying more groceries? I mean, we have toilet paper… do we need more? I should buy more bread… yeah. If I don’t buy it today, what will happen if I try to get it next week and there’s no food? What am I supposed to buy again? That lady has 3 packages of toilet paper… I should buy diapers. Calm down, Christy. Calm down. Buy what you need. Do not get anxious. Maverick’s trying to talk to you… Christy, he’s watching you. Do not be anxious. Buy what you need. It’s going to be okay.” 

I can’t be the only one, right? I cannot remember a time in my life when I walked through the grocery store with a knot in my stomach. I cannot be the only one flooded with questions about what this will look like, economically and for our world. Honestly, while I’m typing this I feel my heart rate increasing and mind shifting away from the things God’s called me to focus on. 

I’ve been thinking of Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night painting. He painted this specific piece in an asylum, in isolation. If you look at the painting you’ll notice the paint strokes of the night sky, the lights on in the town, but a quick look at the church steeple and you’ll notice that the light isn’t on. If you’re reading this, lean in, press in. 

First, let’s dive into him painting in isolation, shall we? I personally have struggled to find the joy in the social distancing time. Just keepin’ it real! I actually created the hashtag #JoyInTheMarvelousAndMundane last year during my time of isolation (June-late December 2019, another blog post for another day). To be BACK in isolation (not being able to go to church, no library, no small group participation, etc.) with a 2.5 year old and 9 month old is not necessarily a situation I wake up to “bright-eyed and bushy tailed”. Okay, pause. Think for a moment about the painting… notice how he didn’t include the bars of the asylum in his painting? He knew he was in isolation, but that didn’t change his calling to create. He didn’t feel trapped; his creating freed him to look beyond his cell. MAN! As I’m writing this, I have goose bumps! During this time of isolation, my hope is that we start creating. May we use our isolation as a stepping-stone towards our calling. My hope is that we dismiss the enemy making us feel like we’re in a cell. My hope is that I can create some small things (baking my own bread moving forward, potentially starting a garden in my backyard), and start cultivating big things (writing with big projects in mind, and taking a public speaking workshop *say what?! Stay tuned! )*. Friends, what has God created you to do? Start asking him what to create. Start planting seeds and cultivating the ground. What will be your Starry Night? 

Second, let’s look at the church. Again, picture the painting in your head. While most of the world is quarantining, my hope is that we are authentically representing our hope in Christ and His kingdom at work.  We are called to be the light of the world and a city on a hill. We carry the Holy Spirit with us, and we are His image-bearers.  My hope, is that our “light” of our homes and hearts would be turned “on”. If you are on social media, share things that bring hope. If you have family members (I’m going to assume most of us do), send words of encouragement and scripture. If you have friends that you typically see, call or Facetime them to ask how they’re processing this.  If your neighbors are outside, ask them how they’re doing and if they need prayer for something. You have no idea what happens behind other people’s walls, but you can show them that you’re available to talk. In the world that wants us to be afraid of community, get creative. When you go to the grocery store, make eye contact with people, smile at the person at the register and ask how THEY are doing. 

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:14-16 NLT

 “But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.” 1 Peter 2:9-10 MSG. 

Get creative with how you’re having conversations with family members, people you work with, grocery store clerks, your neighbor, etc. My hope is that people would come closer to the Lord during COVID-19, and that some people would come to church with us (for the first time) when this is all over. 

Lastly, I wonder what the background noise was when Van Gogh painted Starry Night. Lean in. Press in. Was it silent? Was he humming his favorite song? Was there someone in the town below singing or playing an instrument? What was HIS internal monologue? I mean, he was in an asylum! Bob Goff shared on his Big Dream podcast that we should be paying attention to our “soundtrack” during this time. I want to be very honest for a moment. On my good days, I’m listening to worship music, doing fun school activities with Maverick, and the house is clean when Ricky comes home. Yesterday, I was one of the hardest days with Maverick I’ve had in a while. Did I mention quarantining with 2.5 year old is really tough? I was mentally drained and exhausted by 10am, felt like I was a personal jungle gym all day long, and I checked out mentally when Ricky got home. I really couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel with this thing, “I mean how can I do this for 2-3 weeks… now they’re saying months? What in the world!”

Bath time was finished, and I was now nursing Saylor on our bed. Maverick once again comes climbing up on the bed and tries to climb on me, and I told him (exhausted), “Maverick, please get down, I do not want you up here with Saylor and I… give us just one minute please.” To which he replied, with a frown on his face, “Momma, wake up!” 

Thank you, Lord, for your goodness. Thank you for speaking through Maverick, on a day where I checked out. I read on a post this morning, “We will remember the empty aisles in the grocery store, but our children will remember the love and laughter in our home.” Heart check. Moving forward in the next phase of COVID-19, my hope is that my soundtrack is a melody of everyday faithfulness. The memories and the love we sow into our children today will be an orchard for our grandchildren one day. Let’s not waste these moments.  Everyday, I am intentionally tuning into the heart of my children and turning away from fear. I think of the words in the Helser’s song “Raise a Hallelujah”. 

“I raise a hallelujah, in the middle of a mystery. I raise a hallelujah, fear you’ve lost your hold on me.” 

When I feel like I can’t see the end of the tunnel, I’ll raise a hallelujah. In the middle of this mystery, I will praise and sing to you. Everyday faithfulness. There is joy in the marvelous and mundane. There is joy. 

Friends : 

1. Create out of our isolation, start cultivating your ground.

2. Turn your light on, and be available to share your hope. 

3. The soundtrack we have turned on has to be one that keeps us awake, not one that slumbers us into apathy. 

Be well, stay awake, stay hopeful, keep trekking.