Faith -

November 2020- Perfectionism

“Dear child, your perfectionism is out of line.”

This observation by The Holy Spirit has echoed in my mind more times than I care to say. That aside, I’ve had few clues as to why I am wired this way. Why can’t my brain take up residence with free spirited types singing Kumbaya, along with “good enough” as their mantra? The following is a bit of amateur psychology mined from my desire to understand and define perfectionism.

For starters (my thinking), there’s a subtle pride that suggests I’m all about doing things with excellence. No sloppiness, here…”no sir,” I say, with a mental salute and click of the heels! Professionals refer to this as maladaptive behavior which is essentially, failure oriented; desiring success no matter the cost in order to keep up appearances vs. adaptive behaviorwhich includes goal setting, growth, challenge, problem solving and often, incremental change.

What does maladaptive behavior look like in everyday experience? It doesn’t require expert opinion for me to offer a word quite often associated with perfectionism: Procrastination. It says “I’d rather waffle and question things endlessly or go over issues in my mind without executing a single thing”; or better yet, blame shift by saying “I’ve done my part…just waiting on him” (or her or them). Comparison is another component detrimental to a healthy mindset. I wrote of this recently. How many times do we measure our efforts against others, feeling the pressure to measure up or exceed in our performance?

Adaptive behavior, on the other hand, allows room to breathe…to problem solve and come up with viable options for accomplishing tasks at hand. It also allows you or me to set goals and sometimes do things bit by bit instead of a self-imposed effort expecting ‘Rome will be built in a day,’ even though we know the maxim, stated correctly, proves us wrong from the start. The gentler adaptive behavior gives grace to oneself and to others. It offers the ‘why’ to my effort rather than mindless duty.

Someone offered this little gem the other day: “Practice Makes Perfect,’ might be better served by saying ‘Perfect Practice Makes Progress.” The latter comes through developing healthy mental habits and activating Biblical truth. We’re invited to take the restful yoke of Christ and His burden which is light. It brings rest amid our hard work! Sadly, in spite of it, there are believers and non-believers alike who feel God holds them to an exacting and impossible standard in every respect.

There’s a one-word answer for such thinking and it is GRACE. God gives us much needed grace in areas of our life where we fall short and need His help. If that isn’t the best cure for perfectionism, I don’t know what is! You and I must come to God with the faith of a child who believes in a good Father and who trusts Him to finish what He started in us! We are in the process of being made perfect and holy in Christ Jesus.

And the very best part? At the precise moment we trust Him as Lord and Savior, we’re declared perfectly righteous through His atoning work. Christ plus nothing of my own. The rest lies in my everyday life being conformed step by step to His image until at last, I see Him face to face. He’s the total sum of effortless, beautiful, radiant PERFECTION and yet He condescends to my mess – my loose ends and unfinished projects – and says, “Here. Let Me help.”

With that, think I’ll click my heels, salute, and say to the Commanding Officer “Yes Sir!”

When reflecting on the closest relationships in my life,

I rest in the secure knowledge I’m loved and can count on any one among my family members or close friends to guard my safety and well-being wherever possible. It goes without saying, the most highly valued is my soul mate, my husband.

“What can possibly be better,” you say? This: I recently re-read a familiar passage in Scripture – Deuteronomy 31:8 – “The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” I realized, not for the first time, He is beside me, within me and He goes before me – something no other can do. After all, if one were to press ahead and lead the way or ward off danger, he (she) must leave my side. Human capacity is finite…limited. God is not.

Imagine this. You and The Lord are journeying together on life’s path. You’re casually engaged in conversation, hands joined. Suddenly ahead you see a major roadblock that has mysteriously been swept aside. With a twinkle in His eye He says, “I took care of it for you.” What? You were together the whole time! How could he possibly have taken care of the situation?

It seems His gentle remark is a reminder He’s God and we’re not. It’s a reminder not to “lean on our own understanding but in all our ways, acknowledge Him” as He guides our path.

But here’s the rub; sometimes He doesn’t clear the path. We are asked to hold tight to the promise that when we walk through the water, it will not overwhelm and when we walk through the fire, we will not be burned. He’s our Sherpa, our guide when we have to scale a mountain.

Often though, that tends to get lost in the moment; we’re apt to say “Do something, God! You can dismiss the chaos and danger with a word. Where ARE YOU?” It is then He whispers, “My grace is sufficient. I’m with you; keep holding My hand and move forward.”

In each life, the road inevitably narrows and we must pass through a narrow valley. No one else can walk that path with you or me, except The Savior who says, “I’m still with you, and will be until the end (of this life) and beyond.”

This, more than anything should define and shape our lives. We’ll each pick up our pace at the final passage on the narrow way and enter His glorious Presence. Human frailty will give way to limitless grace, beauty and freedom. No more roadblocks only boundless vistas and the light of His presence where There’s “fullness of joy and pleasures evermore.”

Really love this traveling companion of mine. You?

Deut. 31:8; Prov. 3:5-6; Isa. 43:2; II Cor 12:9; Psa 23:4; Matt.26:20; Psa. 16:11

September 2020 – Change

Just speculating here; If you were to make a list with “Change” at the top and two columns below labeled Positive and Negative, which of the columns would be longer?

I dare say for most of us, it would be the latter; especially in the present environment of Covid-19, political wrangling, lawlessness and civil disobedience, etc.

More about that in a bit. First, a trip down memory lane. Since I’m of a certain age, let us consider the 1960’s. We had everything from The Beatles to Bell Bottoms, from Wood Stock to Peace symbols. Given any decade, I’m sure you’ve seen individuals stuck in a time warp, carrying on outdated fashions – unable to change or adapt. The flip side is a tendency by a few in my generation to attempt copying current youthful trends with dismal results!

You get the point. Change is hard. Ben Franklin, having helped frame the Constitution In 1779 said: “Our new Constitution is now established and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can said to be certain, except death and taxes,” implying the relentless nature of change.

These days our world has quickly become an alien landscape. Almost everything familiar and expected has changed in the span of a handful of months!

The stifling feelings associated with such rapid-fire changes leave us breathless and unsettled…longing for things we all considered “normal” less than a year ago!

If it’s any comfort, I can offer the one thing I know and firmly believe; God is unchanging! He is the Rock on which we can stand when all around is shifting sand. Following is a small sampling from Scripture of God’s Immutability (long word for a doctrinal truth meaning “unchanging over time or unable to be changed).”

The Lord will sit on His Throne forever
He never changes or casts a shifting shadow
God’s Word is Eternal
The Lord’s plans stand firm forever, His intentions can never be thwarted
God is not human, that He should change His mind
God loves us with an Everlasting love
God says, “For the mountains may move, and the hills disappear, but even then My faithful love for you will remain. My covenant blessing will never be broken says The Lord, Who has mercy on you.”

*note scripture references below

Doubtless, there are debates among skeptics suggesting God changed His Mind in certain situations in Scripture, but the arguments fail to take into account that His methods may change in answer to prevailing prayer, but God’s nature and His overall purpose for mankind will not!

Even so, Truth can often be hard to hold onto when overwhelmed. In God’s great kindness, man has been given a physical reminder…the rainbow He established with Noah and his descendants promising He would never again destroy the world by flood.

God’s covenant with man stands unchanged to this day. So the next time you feel shaken by those changing tides, remember to first look down at your feet planted firmly on the Rock, Christ Jesus and then look up for His rainbow among the clouds, both figuratively and physically. See reflected there our changeless, magnificent Lord who said, “I am the same yesterday, today and forever!

*Psa. 102:12; James 1:16-17; Psa 119.89; Isa. 40:8; Psa 33:11; Num 23:19; I Sam 15:29; Jer. 31:3; Isa 5410)

August 2020 – Because You Said So, I Will…

We’ve all heard the term ‘passive-aggressive’

with its behavioral implications-external agreement with a person or a directive, all the while exhibiting the opposite with body language and behavior. I’m afraid some of us all too often transition from adolescence to adulthood carrying baggage from the past…metaphorically sitting down on the outside, with hands neatly folded but standing up on the inside. Scripture counters the mindset by conveying a fundamental truth: LISTEN and OBEY. That directive doesn’t square well with today’s voices telling us we’re a majority of one, that we should march to our own drumbeat, question everything outside our preconceived ideas and sing the Frank Sinatra classic, “I Did It My Way.”

An example of this dilemma is given in the Epilogue following Jesus’ Resurrection (John 21). Although Peter and the disciples had living proof He was alive, they didn’t know how to move forward with their lives in the aftermath of the crucifixion. They were stuck.

So they did what they knew best from their past lives…they went fishing. (This whole ‘follow Me and I’ll make you fishers of men’ Jesus spoke of had not measured up).

They were experienced fishermen, yet toiled all night and caught nothing. Then came a dim figure on the shore at dawn saying, “Fellows, have you caught anything?” They replied “No.” He told them to cast their net on the other side of the boat and they would catch some fish. What?! It made no sense.

But wearily – eyebrows arched no doubt, they obeyed. They promptly caught so many fish the net began to break. John was first to recognize the hazy figure on land saying, “It’s Jesus!” Impetuous Peter swam ashore, leaving the others to tend the net that had suddenly become full to the point of breaking.

While there are a number of powerful lessons in the post-Resurrection encounter with Jesus, this little gem shines:

“Obey God’s voice, even when it seems to make no sense.”

What I’m about to share from personal experience requires vulnerability – not always easy – but it happened to me several years ago: I was a busy wife and mom of three elementary age children.

Although things seemed fine on the surface, there was a gnawing feeling of inadequacy and lack in my life. It was something I kept carefully hidden behind a cheery façade and ‘can do’ attitude. I didn’t want to identify with the kind of person always looking for approval from others. Nonetheless, I was feeling the chronic pain of rejection in ways large and small. To be sure, this condition wasn’t constantly at the forefront, but evidently enough so for instruction and correction by God (He’s always in our business, right?)

On a routine day, He quite unexpectedly showed me something. Mind you, this took place in a matter of seconds, in broad daylight and it played before my vision with utter clarity: I saw my younger self sitting cross legged on the floor in a classroom among other children during story time. While they were engrossed in the narrative and listening to the teacher with rapt attention, I was anxiously looking around wondering if this classmate or that one would be my friend. In that moment, I felt the teacher single me out, put her hand gently under my chin and say, “Listen to me.” Of course, that translated to The Lord telling my adult self, “Child, look at me and listen!”

I was galvanized by the revelation! I suddenly realized I had been looking for approval in the wrong places and gauging my abilities and talents against others; never wise!

It was suddenly made clear to me that if someone else possessed a particular asset or ability exceeding mine, it may be by virtue of God-given talent or even because he or she had the advantage of modeling and training by others in earlier years that I was denied. And even if that were not the case, what was it to me?! That was God’s purview! My efforts in any given area were approved by Him and not to be measured against another.

Here’s where the lesson intensified. My sin was named: Covetousness.

A big word carrying enough weight to be summed up in one of the Ten Commandments. I had been guilty of wanting what rightfully belonged to another and worse yet, of being dissatisfied with the One who created me!

Apparently, nothing had previously escaped my notice regarding others…looks, abilities, popularity, mental acumen, spiritual giftings, etc. I was sternly warned of the need to obey the following directive, in the foreseeable future: Make a covenant with my eyes not to gaze at others around me; furthermore, to be fully present with my husband and children when engaging in family recreation, school and church activities, etc. instead of robbing them of the full measure of my attention.

I had a blind spot and it was sin! Talk about feeling loved and chastened at the same time!

Even though I understood the ‘why’, I had to come to a place of unconditional surrender saying,

“Lord, because you say so, I will.”

I’m thankful I did (although it took intentionality and practice).

The outcome of my obedience resulted in great freedom! I began to understand in terms other than mere words, that I’m accepted in the Beloved and get this, God loves me big time – and you too! His ways are best.

While I’d love to say I’ve never refused His Voice since that day, the challenge continues…and so does His grace!

July 2020 – Freedom!

Let Freedom “Reign”

Back in the day,

had I been asked as a child to give an example of freedom, I may have said “That’s easy! It comes at the end of the school year and brings with it Summer vacation.” While apt, it would have been simplistic.

Needless to say, the essence of freedom is multifaceted and hardly summed up singularly. Its presence or absence affects us greatly in every way: socially, physically, spiritually, morally, emotionally…you name it! How does one define its borders, the fuzzy areas that can turn freedom, as stated in scripture into an occasion for sin? Who among us hasn’t said in younger days (complete with pouting lip and furrowed brow) “When I grow up nobody will tell me what to do.” The dialog may even have even been internal, carefully hidden from view but in it was the seedbed of rebellion.

A familiar Biblical parable speaks of the prodigal son who demanded his inheritance, left home, and at some point ended up in a pigpen. When at last he returned home, thinking he’d be happy working as a hired hand, enjoying three square meals a day and shelter, his father came running to meet him. He even threw a party! The son soon discovered true freedom within the boundaries of his father’s household.

What a metaphor for our lives individually! Circumstances on our journey that can seem so restrictive often lead us along in ways that are significant. And in them, we find that God’s plans for us are good; to give us hope and a future Jer. 29:11.

Armed with that reality I can be a thankful and active participant in life with latitude and freedom within the boundaries of God’s grace. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” 2 Cor. 3:17 So let’s dance with abandon and let freedom reign behind our face masks and the current restrictions of Covid!

June 2020 – What Would I Tell My Younger Self?

What would I tell my younger self?

Don’t take yourself so seriously. You’ll be surprised to learn how very little others really focus on your every word and deed.
Learn to manage your time well. it’s a limited commodity.
Don’t play the comparison game. Understand that you are unique. No one else has the same DNA. The same life experience. The same strengths and weaknesses. Same talents & giftings. Occupy the space between your ears.
What other people think of you is none of your business (borrowed from a 90 year old).
You only get to be young once. Live in the moment, don’t wish it away.
Incidentally, ‘living in the moment’ needs to be a life goal and deserves its own bullet point
Your love affair with chocolate is permanent. Just keep it in check and savor every morsel.
Remember, most of your classmates (even close friends) will move on in life after graduation from High School and College. Don’t let a temporary issue ruin your day.
You will never have a greater Friend than Christ Jesus. Cultivate His presence and run to Him always.
Being on time really IS important. You may have to work a lot on this one.
All work and no play really does make Jack a dull boy. And Jill, too.
Learn well and learn early; you can be a victim or a victor. Both words begin with V and have two syllables but are worlds apart.
If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.
When you walk into a room, learn to say by your demeanor “there you are,” not “here I am.”
Life is a gift even if it isn’t necessarily dressed up with a big red bow.
God in the right place in your life fixes every other relationship in life (again, this one fits in the category of “couldn’t have said it better myself.”)
Make physical exercise a regular part of your life from now and all the way through.
Read – Read – Read! Oh, and Read
Play to your strengths and also work, with God’s help on the parts of your character that are deficient.
Sing silly songs, current tunes, and everything between but mostly, sing Praise & Worship songs. Learn the melodies of Heaven.
Be a life-long student of Scripture. This one should be underlined in red.
Learn to distinguish between happiness and joy. The first depends mostly on circumstances, the second comes from God and isn’t dependent on external conditions.
Take seriously the fellowship of believers by weaving your life into the fabric of a local church. Seek to serve, and you will reap huge benefits.
Say please and thank you. Look people in the eye. Really see them. Learn that all ages have worth and value, even though right now you think life pretty much ends after age 30. Remember, the older person you barely take notice of was once your age…has lived a full life and perhaps knows a thing or two. And this will blow your mind: That older person still feels young on the inside.
God has set eternity in your heart. Don’t lose sight of that when the World wants you to live only for today.
Give yourself space when discouraged or disappointed in yourself. Remember, life’s a marathon and not a sprint. God sees you as perfect and complete in Christ Jesus on the way to becoming what He’s making of you.
It’s okay to be silly and shallow once in a while. To dance with abandon.

Legacy

Among the many things Mom left to me, was the example of an intimate prayer life. Her response to God was simple and natural. I’m certain she was largely unaware of the impact on my life . At church every Sunday and Wednesday evening, my beautiful mom could be found at her place of prayer before service, stylish pointed stiletto heels creased at the toes from kneeling in place. A gifted worship leader, she loved the music of Heaven and knew the importance of God’s anointing in leading the congregation. But perhaps the greatest significance for me personally, was her place at home set aside for private prayer.

Where the real “work” was done.

Where she met with her Lord.

Throughout my childhood, mom had a literal “prayer closet” in my bedroom. I often drifted to sleep hearing her pour out her heart and call the names of children, family members and others in prayer.

Although this was absolutely true, she was not pious. Mom was a great southern cook (she made biscuits and sausage gravy second to none!) She had an easy laugh. She enjoyed a neat orderly home which sometimes took a back seat to the demands of a busy pastor’s wife. Mom had a loving heart. I never heard her speak disparagingly of anyone, always finding something positive. She truly exhibited a servant’s heart. And although she was far from perfect (aren’t we all?) her faults were minimal in my eyes.

With great appreciation for God’s creation, she often exclaimed with wonder at the beauty of flowers and trees, rock formations and water. More than once she briefly opened the front door of our Michigan home, leaving the glass storm door firmly shut, to view a thunderstorm as it gathered force with swaying trees and lightning flashes and raindrops, exclaiming at its wild beauty. These are just a few of my impressions of mom.

She left this life all too soon, of a brain tumor. Although she fought valiantly for nearly 3 years, believing God for a miracle, He saw fit to bring her home to Himself when she was only 55 years old. Sadly, dad passed unexpectedly eighteen months after of a heart attack. It was a time of distress and sorrow in our family; my much younger brother had just turned 18. I struggled, actually coming to a crisis of faith that could have ended in resentment toward God. In my mind, the timing was all wrong in the beginning. News of mom’s illness came at the end of my first pregnancy. We were looking forward to the in-home help she’d offered following the birth. Now, not only was mom ill, I endured a very long and difficult labor and delivery. It seemed God was a million miles away as I made a slow recovery and navigated severe post partem depression. Of course, much more was just ahead. But ultimately, God’s great Grace carried us.

When all is said and done – through the many challenges in life since then — mother’s example of unfaltering faith in God’s goodness & love has held fast, often letting me ‘carry on’ on as He has conquered and calmed my heart. I have the assurance of a glad reunion with her and with dad someday. In the meantime, the bar has been set high! In the familiar words of an old song, “May all who come behind, find us faithful.”

May 2020 – Isolation

Things I miss:
My kids and grands
Coffee with good friends
Gathering Sundays with fellow travelers
Popping by my favorite store for a little retail therapy
Life like a comfortable old shoe, not so long ago
A sense of normalcy (no standing six feet back at the grocery store checkout, no face masks)
Real hugs, not fist or elbow bumps or high fives that don’t connect
Eating out
My hairdresser and manicurist
The gym (who would’ve thought?) The local pool
Making travel plans
Spending monthly gas allotment (‘cause I’m going nowhere these days)

Things I don’t miss:
Families spending too little time together
The frantic pace that sometimes seems too much
Lack of time and energy to complete nagging projects
Spiritual nonchalance. That we can collectively do fine without God
Entitlement deeply woven in American mindset
Traffic snarls
Overcrowded calendar
Being well groomed at all times

Things that remain:
Special spot in the house for one-on-one with God
Spectacular mate
Faith-Hope-Love (the greatest is love!)
Food on the table and a roof overhead
God’s Forever Word
Hot showers
Coffee
Phone conversations and social media
Patio conversations with friends – 6 feet apart
The Church, albeit online these days
Word games and HGTV
Toilet Tissue (thank God!)
Biking and walking
Church chimes nearby
Birdsong and sunshine

This is my list. What’s yours?

Though I’m well aware we’re all in this storm together, we’re not all in the same boat. My life vs that of a young mom’s is vastly different. Having said, we each have an anchor that holds within the veil (Hebrews 6:19-20). For anyone reading this: Hold on to your hope in Christ. He will never isolate or self-distance from you.

___________________________________________________________

The Swallow

Rev: 5:3-15

“How lovely is Your dwelling place! I long with everything that’s in me to
enter the courts of The Lord. All my being shouts joyfully to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home and the swallow builds her nest and raises
her young at a place near Your altar.”
Psalm 84:1-4 (paraphrased)

“How lovely is Your dwelling place! I long with everything that’s in me to enter the courts of The Lord. All my being shouts joyfully to the living God. Even the sparrow finds a home and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near Your altar.”

Is there any lovelier thought than the lowly sparrow or swallow building a nest and raising her young near the Altar of God? Obviously, that’s poetic phrasing but it illustrates a point. We’re invited to a place near the Almighty! The invitation’s for everyone, including busy moms. So settle in near the Altar. It may require dialing back the set-point but so very worthwhile.

I wish I had given more time to cultivating a sense of God’s presence in the early days of child rearing while immersed in daily routines and complex schedules. I can almost hear you say, “that sounds well & good but I’m barely hanging on as it is with this Coronavirus.”

Might it encourage you to know it really doesn’t demand endless hours of prayer and reflection but simply an awareness of your true center near the heart of God? He knows our limits and He understands. He also knows what we’re capable of; His yoke is easy, His burden is light.

At the other end of the spectrum, some of us empty nesters now have a greater opportunity to enjoy our place near the altar since the chickadees have taken their leave! Of course, before we know it, comes the arrival of offspring: “Grand Chicks!” Time to feather the nest again!

THE SWALLOW

Inspired by Psalm 84:1-4

You, O Lord bid this soul cease its roaming,
To come to Your courts neither reaping or sowing.
It’s there I find rest, a place of rare beauty
far from the cry of hurry and duty.
I nest at your altar, observe your ways
Then fly from rare sanctum to face the new day.
But ever and always may I return to my rest
at home in Your presence,
The place I love best!

– Faith Keeler

On the Other Hand

There’s just no getting around gender issues. In scripture, men are tagged metaphorically with women as “The Bride of Christ.” And there’s plenty of references to “sons of God…soldiers…patriarchs”, etc. we females have to
embrace, as well. Even though I’m aware none of this will matter in eternity, we live with its reality here and now. God Himself designated gender roles at the outset so He’s deeply invested in both.

During worship time at church, I used to enjoy hearing men and women occasionally take turns singing the refrain of a song. Although it isn’t done much nowadays, it was always refreshing to hear masculine voices contrasting with feminine. Each served as a reminder that God understands our unique differences and responds to our need.

Song of Solomon, one of the poetic books in scripture, devotes itself to the love relationship between a man and a woman which, in turn, symbolizes Christ and His Bride: The Church. The Redeemed. Ancient poetic references found in this book are foreign to our thinking…sometimes humorous. As a woman, can you imagine being told “Your teeth are as white as sheep, recently shorn and freshly washed?” Or how about this? “Your hair falls in waves like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead?” Or “Your neck is as beautiful as the tower of David?”

I wrote a silly paraphrase of Song of Solomon 4 a few years ago and
shared it at a Ladies’ Retreat. Here it is…with a few sentence modifications
in keeping with the mixed readership on Face Book:

“Your hair, my love, is beautifully colored, your teeth perfectly capped; your
eyes, changing in color brought about by tinted contact lenses; your nose is
perfectly shaped by the finest of cosmetic surgeons. Your lips are full of
collagen, your botox-injected face unwrinkled in its beauty! My love, your
bosom begs description. Your tummy is flat, thanks to Pilates; your limbs
are perfected by liposuction, your nails drip the finest of French nail
perfection. Yes, my dear, you are altogether lovely…and thoroughly well
preserved!”

Hmmm…Lets contrast that with the description of a radiant daughter of
God:

“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles,
expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should cloth yourselves instead
with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle &
quiet spirit, which is precious to God.” I Peter 4:3 (NLT).

Now there’s something to aspire to! Still, it begs the question, “Can I be fashionable and still be a godly woman?” I think the answer to that is yes. So long as fashion & beauty takes a back seat to the interior life. So long as modesty is observed. And so long as one does not allow herself to be defined by outward appearance.

Anyone care to go shopping?!

UPDATE 4-2020 Sadly, the last sentence is poignant in light of present
conditions with Covid19. Trust us gals will soon see the day when we’re
able to engage in the kind of shopping that doesn’t involve toilet tissue and
other staples such as groceries!